rest

rest. i think i overlook this verb frequently. as a woman, there always seems to be something to do. be it dishes, laundry, personal care, whatever. we do. and we do a lot.

i love children. i've spent the past ten years in the early care and education field. in the nonprofit sector, nonetheless. obviously, i did not choose this to get rich.

when i think about become a mother to this precious baby inside of me, i sometimes start to panic. what will that be like? will i be able to handle motherhood?

my worries stem from what i know about myself: i am a giver. i hate to say no (though i am getting much better at it). i like things to be as perfect as they can be (though i am learning to be more gentle with myself). i worry about not resting as i should...i cringe at the thought of eating my words (i am always telling the parents i work with to take time for themselves. you can't give to your family if you don't take any meet your own needs).

and then i breath. i reflect. i remember that i am not alone. i am not perfect, nor am i expected to be.

"Then Jesus said to them 'Come to me, all who are weary and carry heavy burdens and I will give you rest.'" ~Matthew 11:28

along with a love of children comes the love of child-like things: books, linking toys and stuffed animals, just to name a few. it is this passion that reminds me of one of my favorite passages in scripture:

"Jesus said, 'Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.'"  ~Matthew 19:14

what does it all come down to? faith. faith that things will work out as they should, in their own time. with all the bumps and curves that come with it.

today, i bought my baby a gift. i fell in love with it onsite. when i saw the back of it, i knew it was for me as much as my child.

bunnies for buganda is a wonderful fair-trade ministry that makes these adorable animals. i loved the idea of a child receiving one because i purchased one for my own. for now, it serves as a reminder that it's okay to rest. to let go of worries. that i need to rely on faith. even more, i can't wait for the day to explain the meaning behind it to my own little one.

p.s. you can "like" bunnies for buganda on facebook too (of course).

all you need

i'm a sucker for cheese. cheesy stuff, that is. give me a good romantic comedy.  pick me a flower. set the coffee pot for me. if it's a sweet gesture, i'll fall for it every time.

one of my favorite movies is love actually. what's not to love? it combines my slight obsession with british culture, colin firth, hugh grant, a great soundtrack, and, of course, an extra dose of cheese. it's hard to choose a favorite scene, but this one is definitely one of them (along with the mark and juliet "carol singers" scene):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wqHRMuUhmnA
**Note embedding was disabled. Just take the extra second to click and watch it, okay?**

oh yeah, the movie also has a wedding. and a proposal. cheese overload? yes, please.

anyway. so at the end of last june, i attended my first magnolia creek alumni reunion. the timing was perfect: i was stressed. i was tired. i was feeling alone.

the last activity we did that day involved each of us getting a sheet of paper with a single phrase on it. we were told that we had to figure out how they were related. this was mine:

coincidence? i think not.

it now hangs on my closet door as a reminder.

i've mentioned faith and fate on this blog a lot already, but i'll say it again: despite the rough times i've been through (and am sure are ahead too), i truly believe that everything happens some way for a reason. there is no accident. life is a chain of events.

it is this amazing group of women in recovery that reminded me that creating is therapy for me. and a reason i started this blog in the first place. yeah, i know, the crafts haven't been showing up...(oops)

but i have been creating! see?

i love my crafts. love the process. love the thought that goes into them. however, the best ones are made with love.

it should be ready at the end of october.

(side note: to those who understand, it's a "tough mudder" baby!)

bingeing

for those of us who fight the urge to binge and purge, it's usually related to a need to escape. a way to numb out from life. to not deal with whatever situations, emotions, or worries are plaguing us.

ed tells you its the only way to deal with the mess inside your head.

yet another one of his lies.

my daily quote calendar has given me some great inspiration for posts. i'm just now getting around to writing one...(if i did this during working hours, it would happen more often.)

see, i've been living. enjoying life. getting outside of my head. a lot.

julia child said it best: life itself is the proper binge.

this past weekend, i enjoyed frozen limeades, sunshine and a book i could not put down (sing you home). i opened the windows and took long naps. i went to easter service. alone. i painted my toenails a glittery red. i window shopped online. i watched an old movie on lifetime.

yes, it was a binge: a "i'm doing whatever i want, when i want, outside of my thoughts and feelings" weekend. and at night, when my husband returned home from his last working weekend (YAY!), i snuggled up against him on the couch and in the bed. 

i didn't run away. i lived. and i loved every minute of it.