craftiness. insanity. life.

Tuesday, January 22, 2013


wells is 14 weeks old. three months, two weeks. and we can't imagine life without him. funny how a tiny being that weighs less than ten pounds can rock your entire world, huh?

he's so alert, this child of mine. it frustrates me to no end, but shouldn't surprise me. i can't turn it off myself. why do I expect him to be able to do it so easily? :sigh.:

"i love you, little man." daddy hovers over you. not caring about the stress you produce. longing to simply hear an "oh" out of you....

and it's so easy, this parent-child relationship. wells can spit up, poop, pee, scream at us...but, it doesn't matter: we love him because he is a part of us. and isn't that how God sees us? why is it so hard for me to accept?

i don't have the answer. not yet; maybe not ever.

what i do know is this: at these times, my strong boy seems completely inconsolable. rigid.  irate.  stiff.  unyielding. but after just a few "drinks" from me he is calm.  peaceful.

THIS is what i want. crave. need to accept: oh, that i may soon drink of peace...and live in calm.

Zephaniah 3:17

"For the Lord your God is living among you.
    He is a mighty savior.
He will take delight in you with gladness.    With his love, he will calm all your fears.[a]    He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.”

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

i hate naming posts

it's january. 2013.


i feel like Wells just arrived yesterday, but it's almost been three months now.

must be the severe lack of quality sleep. and the fact that i think i have exactly 5 brain cells left, which take turns "working" as best they can each day. ::sigh::

this mommy gig? yeah, the hardest thing i've ever done, by far.  it never ceases to amaze me that it can be simultaneously rewarding and terribly trying at the same time.

there are days when i want to run. away. far, far away (no pun intended). spend an entire 24 hours to myself? bliss. but, not an option at this point.

i know i will look back at this point in a few years and smile. knowing that it was all worth it. (for those of you who don't know, i'm a strong supporter of breastfeeding exclusively for the first six months, if possible). (please note: i am well aware that every mother is entitled to her own opinion, as influenced by her and her family's needs and beliefs. this is not a post to persuade/impose my own theories on anyone. spare me this in the comments, please.)

but there are days that i have to constantly remind myself that it will get better. one day. soon, hopefully...

until then, i must try to focus on the positive aspects of motherhood; the small moments that can so easily get overlooked in the day-to-day constant struggles. as it is, i am an extremely visual person (yes, i am the one who hates to see the movie after i read the book mainly because it doesn't look like i pictured as i enjoyed reading it...--not to mention the stupid plot changes, but that's a completely different rant...). so, a few days ago, i decided to create something to help me with this task:


became this

yes, my goal is to record something, no matter how small it may be, that makes me smile every day (or, every day i actually remember to write it down...missed two thus far...sigh...) ...particularly those related to great challenges (hence, many blessings will refer to my precious baby boy). my daily devotion from proverbs 31 ministries today was this (i am constantly in awe of how the Lord can draw me in when i allow Him to do so):

"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." Hebrews 12:2

on the hard days, it will serve as a reminder that every day has positive aspects: blessings to be forever thankful for and appreciated.

i've also been seeking one word to pray, search and meditate on this year. i have a strong feeling as to what it shall be, but will save it for a (sooner, rather than) later post. :)

here's to a joyful 2013: may your blessings be too many to count and contain!