craftiness. insanity. life.

Thursday, November 24, 2011

i love dressing

"Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever." Psalm 107:1

though i was not thankful that tino decided to knock some books off a shelf to an attempt to demand breakfast this morning, i am glad that he acted as my alarm clock at 7 am. i needed to start cooking.

hubby is working today. while i would prefer that we could spend every holiday together, his career in the er does not allow that.  we celebrated with his family (now very much "our" family in my heart) at the lake last sunday. i have plans to meet up with my family in a few hours. until yesterday at about 4:30 pm, i was okay with said plans.

i stopped at the store to grab some salad mix. really. that's all that i went in to buy. and then i noticed all the people buying last minute thanksgiving items. and i decided, on a whim, to grab some stuff for a small scale thanksgiving lunch for hubby and me.

so, at 7 am, i put the turkey tenderloin in the crockpot (hey, it's just the two of us). i diced veggies for the dressing (my jojo's to-die-for recipe!), peeled sweet potatoes, created pickle relish after discovering i didn't have any, and planned a timeline for the morning.

at 11:30, the meal was ready. hubby came into the kitchen. when he saw the mini "spread" (complete with cranberry sauce right out of the can--gotta have the rings!), to say he was stunned would be an understatement. "i didn't know you were doing all of this. you didn't have to do this. thank you" were some of the phrases he repeated over the next 20 minutes.

my response? i wanted to do it. i wanted to see him smile at the yummy food. i wanted to eat with him. i wanted to create another memory.

as we ate, we talked about how the rest of our days would go. i talked about eating more dressing and then spreading out the black friday ads with my sister. taking a power nap. shopping!!!

he talked about work being slow. he said that most of the patients would probably be those from the nursing home--the thought process being that family goes to actually visit them today, and then they take them to the hospital because they "look bad."

this made me sad. but, at the same time, it made me happy.

i am thankful that those who have to unfortunately visit the uab er until 1 am will potentially be assigned to david.

i am thankful that he will be there to comfort them. that his heart is big enough to work in such an environment.

i am thankful that i get to share my life with him, and to know that he feels the same.

i am thankful for life. for love. for support.

i am thankful. period.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

isn't it ironic?

my fragile ego suffered a blow today. many thanks to all who listened to my woes.

back in late summer, i responded to a "reality checker" email from all you on a whim. they were looking for people who had experienced a life changing event or crisis at christmas time, and had since changed their views on the holiday.

instantly, i thought: hmm, my now ex-husband announced he didn't care about being married to me anymore. four days later i checked into a rehabilitation clinic only five days before christmas. i think this should count.

so, i sent a short synopsis of my experience and was chosen to be part of a featured story.

i spent several hours responding to email questions (read: could only handle the personal disclosure in small intervals) and phone interviews from the article's writer. though, in the end, the process was good for me, it was very painful to reveal the intimate details to someone you don't even know (read: it's not easy to admit that you were so thin that it hurt to stand barefooted on hard floor. yet you fought to stay married to someone who vowed to love you but didn't make a judgement call and make you get the help you desperately needed). david and i even had to go out of our way to submit a picture to accompany the story (he had been working A LOT at this time. we didn't have a christmas picture to submit from last year because he actually worked last christmas day. we barely even had time to "celebrate" the holiday).

nevertheless, i was so excited about the possibility of inspiring other women to seek help.

and then i get a text from my sister yesterday. she subscribes to all you.

my story was not in the issue.

insert low self esteem. (and this is SO ironic considering that my therapist had just hit me with exercises from this book less than 24 hours beforehand). instantly, i thought "apparently, you aren't good enough to even include in a magazine. you don't inspire anyone. shame on you for thinking otherwise. stupid."

so, i lamented. i fumed. i hosted a GREAT pity party.

and then i stood up for myself. i contacted the editor. i expressed my anger in not being informed of the decision. before my ED, i would NEVER have even considered this. (mad props to LN for congratulating me on  doing this--love you sister friend!)

low and behold--i got a reply.

it turns out that the article WILL be included online. at the time, i was not very happy to even hear this. however, after many of my loved ones stated that they completely believe that this will lead to even more exposure for eating disorders and recovery, i am now happy. very happy.

upon reflecting on today's emotional roller coaster, it was a good exercise on regaining confidence in myself.

all you, in particular, gillian aldrich, thank you for stepping up. sincerely. i look forward to seeing the online version soon. (and yes, you better believe that there will be a link to it from this page!)

Wednesday, November 2, 2011


i stumbled upon this re-post tonight, thanks to an email from my "family." i needed this. badly.

i was particularly influenced by the first "way" to love yourself:

"sit down in a quiet, cozy space, enjoying the silence or listening to your fave music, and ask yourself what you believe, what you value, what your dreams are and what gifts you bring into this world."

it's no secret that i've been a bit blue lately. i decided that it's time to reevaluate my life. . .

1. i believe that life is worth living. that each day is a gift.
2. i believe that my job matters. that adults become better parents, and better teachers, because of what i do.
3. i believe that my presentations will lead to a greater understanding of child abuse, of neglect, and of safe sleeping environment.
4. it is my belief (and hope) that this will lead to less heartache in this world.
5. i believe that i have a purpose on this earth. a calling.
6. i believe that i am a strong voice for the rights of children. i believe in nonprofit work.
7. i believe that i am a strong woman. i am no longer a doormat.
8. i believe that everything in my life has led me to where i am now. [likewise, i believe that david came on that one spring break church trip to lead us back to each other 14 years later ;)] i am stronger for it.
9. i value love in its purest form--accepting flaws and quirks and everything else.
10. i value a good day's work. of giving it all you have.
11. i value my freedom to choose my beliefs, my job, my spouse, and my values.
12. i value those who have fought for this freedom.
13. i value the close relationships that i have at this time: my family, my friends, my ZTA sisters (yes, HGN, this includes YOU!), and my friends/coworkers. thank you for accepting and supporting me...
14. i value my tuesday night ladies (so disappointed i felt too crummy to come this week!!!). A LOT!
15. i value life, in general.
16. i dream of being a good wife. from the beginning until the end...
17. i dream of being a good mommy. one day.
18. i dream of being the best grandmother. ever! [ no offense vicci and linda ;) --i know YOU will both be THE BEST in our kiddos' lives!]
19. i dream of growing old with my sexy, smart, and absolutely, positively AMAZING husband
20. i dream of being the coolest aunt. period. [yep-hint, hint, sissy!...and, eventually, my brothers-in-law!]
21. to this world, i bring a love for children. every color, shape, size, etc.
22. to this world, i bring a respect for life.
23. to this world, i bring a respect for those who actively support those with a mental illness/trauma [family, obviously, but also old friends, "sisters," and colleagues (you know who you are-NSW, LHN and LF) and, seriously, if you haven't check out my gal nic, you need, now...]
24. to this world, i bring hope: that, even in your darkest hour, there is something better waiting for you. it may not be on "our time," but it awaits, nonetheless...

dear life: thanks for choosing me!