coming out of the dark (and, yes, this a reference to the gloria esteffan song...)

if you actually know me, you know that i derive a great deal of personal satisfaction from my job. in fact, i was so miserable at the job prior to this one that i gave up a good 11K to go back into nonprofit work. (what can i say, i love to see my work making a difference...)

my first year, i faced a lot of obstacles. 3 of the 4 child care centers that were slated to partner with us to my hiring fell through within one week of my accepting the position. after getting into my work, i proposed a different approach, and was told (*note interpretation) to go with it because there wasn't a wrong way to do it. and it worked. very well, actually, for my first two years.

i loved going to work. delighted in being amongst my families and their providers.

dang that two year only agreement.

when i left my "home" last year, i was sad. very sad. i had grown attached to those babies. and their parents. and their teachers.

but, at the same time, i was incredibly excited about the new grant that i basically wrote myself (my first ever--though with a great model). about my new curriculum. about the new opportunities.

i did not anticipate the challenges that i would face.

i just KNEW the families at the sites i had enrolled would be eager to sign up for services-making my job just as fulfilling as it had always been. after all, the directors were excited. the teachers were grateful for the extra help. . .

and then i sent out the enrollment forms.   ::cue crickets::

these past few months have been a lesson in patience. and tolerance. and acceptance.

there has been a lot of "self talk." of reminding myself that i have done all that i can do.  that the fact that enrollment forms have not been returned is not a direct reflection of me.

these statements were reaffirmed this afternoon.

i spent some "overtime" at one of my (soon-to-be, due to enrollment grant needs) four sites. there's really nothing quite like seeing a child "light up" at the sight of you. to feel that enthusiasm in his hug. to experience the pure delight in you picking her up. to hear the genuine appreciation in a parent's reaction to the activity you send home with her and her precious little boy.

yes, i've been in a rut. i've felt like a failure. but, this afternoon, i was reminded of why i do what i do. and, more importantly, was reminded of why i will continue to do so.