what now?

if you have gathered anything about me (considering the possibility that you are reading this and you DON'T know me very well), it is that i tend to be introspective. perhaps this is a trait of avid readers...


at any rate, i am a dork who loves an inspirational talk/speech/address. (yes, i am the one person who looks forward to keynote speakers and conferences.) yes, i openly own it. with a big smile.


like any bookworm, i have my favorite authors. one i recently discovered (and quickly grew to love), is ann patchett (absolutely brilliant. period.). combine my love of books with my adoration for inspirational speeches and speakers...i recently stumbled upon her "lauded commencement address at Sarah Lawrence College" (her alma matar). needless to say, i love it.


what now is a great example of reflection, of thinking about your circumstances and how they relate to your purpose, if not in life, for God's unique timing.


" 'What now is not just a panic-stricken question tossed out into a dark unknown. What now can also be our joy. It is a declaration of possibility, of promise, of chance. It acknowledges that our future is open, that we may well do more than anyone expected of us, that at every point in our development we are still striving to grow. There's a time in our lives when we all crave the answers. It seems terrifying not to know what's coming next. But there is another time, a better time, when we see our lives as a series of choices, and What now represents our excitement and our future, the very vitality of life. It's up to you to choose a life that will keep expanding.' "


i read her speech last week, and took a picture of this page (yep, with my Iphone-yay technology) so i could remember it (page 77, if you want to be specific--and i feel that i must be). little did i know that her words would have a larger impression on me the next week.


my coworkers and i spent today in a professional development session to address our communication skills (at some point every month, we all deliver "trainings" or "presentations" to large audiences). after our short lunch break, all ten of us were informed that we had to give an expository speech for 2 minutes.  the rest of us were to provide critiques and feedback on each one (read: you must critique your peers and two supervisors. panic? yep.).


as we each took a turn over the next hour and a half (with great courage, might i add--it is so much easier to speak in front of people with whom you do not work with every day), i was reminded of the variety of communication and presentation styles of my colleagues. i reflected upon the unique passions for our nonprofit work. whether it stems from a deeply personal experience, as my sweet Leslie feels, or a strong passion to simply help other child care providers succeed, as Beverly exudes, we all "do what we do" because we feel drawn to this field.


"'What Now'" is just a glimpse into the impact we can make in the world. we can choose to rejoice in the opportunities that they will bring.


whatever life has handed you now, my hope it that you will find the good it in; that you will inspire the generation to come.


life isn't always how we "expect it," but is always how we "embrace it." if nothing else, my precious life has been nothing but a lesson in this fact: my amazing husband david is a lesson that "everything happens for a reason (even if i don't really understand it until 14 years later...). "


I don't know about you,  but i like to "'have strengths to stand upon.'"


Psalm 91:14 states, "Because he loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name."


my blessed assurance is that, in time, He will provide all that We need.

coming out of the dark (and, yes, this a reference to the gloria esteffan song...)

if you actually know me, you know that i derive a great deal of personal satisfaction from my job. in fact, i was so miserable at the job prior to this one that i gave up a good 11K to go back into nonprofit work. (what can i say, i love to see my work making a difference...)

my first year, i faced a lot of obstacles. 3 of the 4 child care centers that were slated to partner with us to my hiring fell through within one week of my accepting the position. after getting into my work, i proposed a different approach, and was told (*note interpretation) to go with it because there wasn't a wrong way to do it. and it worked. very well, actually, for my first two years.

i loved going to work. delighted in being amongst my families and their providers.

dang that two year only agreement.

when i left my "home" last year, i was sad. very sad. i had grown attached to those babies. and their parents. and their teachers.

but, at the same time, i was incredibly excited about the new grant that i basically wrote myself (my first ever--though with a great model). about my new curriculum. about the new opportunities.

i did not anticipate the challenges that i would face.

i just KNEW the families at the sites i had enrolled would be eager to sign up for services-making my job just as fulfilling as it had always been. after all, the directors were excited. the teachers were grateful for the extra help. . .

and then i sent out the enrollment forms.   ::cue crickets::

these past few months have been a lesson in patience. and tolerance. and acceptance.

there has been a lot of "self talk." of reminding myself that i have done all that i can do.  that the fact that enrollment forms have not been returned is not a direct reflection of me.

these statements were reaffirmed this afternoon.

i spent some "overtime" at one of my (soon-to-be, due to enrollment grant needs) four sites. there's really nothing quite like seeing a child "light up" at the sight of you. to feel that enthusiasm in his hug. to experience the pure delight in you picking her up. to hear the genuine appreciation in a parent's reaction to the activity you send home with her and her precious little boy.

yes, i've been in a rut. i've felt like a failure. but, this afternoon, i was reminded of why i do what i do. and, more importantly, was reminded of why i will continue to do so.

get serious. again.

so, in late 2007, december 20, to be exact, my father helped me regain control of my life. it hasn't been easy. at times life downright sucks. but, i'm done with existing. i'm living. and what a great life it is!

any other pinterest addicts out there? (it's okay. i won't tell).  this site came about at a great time. i was struggling again with ED (it seems to be a shadow for a lot of us for quite a while) when my awesome co-worker told me i needed to join (i'd already seen others talking about it on facebook, but had resisted so far). she sent an invite. i signed up.

now that my adoring husband has helped me "see the light" so-to-speak, i have decided to "create recovery" through the arts (and crafts). (yes, karen, i stole your note title here. forgive me.)

what will this blog look like? not sure just yet. expect some crafts. and some art. and some ED information, resources and, on occasion, some ranting.

that's me. take it or leave it.

here's my first simple project: create an attractive way to store my brochures at work. the problem? i work for a wonderful non-profit (read: tight budget. always looking to save money. or not spend it. i feel bad ordering office supplies. i also spend a great amount of time off the clock looking for free resources. which has led my recent explosion of brochures for my clients. which is good and bad.).

after a few days of "pinning," i decided to just begin by re-purposing some snack boxes with scrapbook paper. easy enough.

a cheap (because i already have tons of printed paper, and, let's face it, snack food boxes are easy enough to come by--especially when you work with a bunch of women) and simple storage solution. i plan on labeling the sides on a shelf in my office space.  i'll update with a picture when i have more so you can enjoy all the cuteness too :)

until next time, if you want to learn more about what it's like to live with ED, i encourage you to read this awesome book (or, encourage someone else to read it).

oh, and you can read more about my story in all you in december! (i'm a little bit excited!)

LIVE life. LOVE yourself. CREATE recovery.
me