"and just like that, my runnin' days was over."

forrest gump. maybe you have to be from the south, and to have seen the movie in the theatre, to truly appreciate the beauty of the story. oh, and absolutely, positively adore tom hanks in this role.

my husband LOVES this movie. no, like REALLY LOVES it. as in, he can recite much of the three hours of script alone...

forrest is a simple minded man. most of us would hate to be this way, but it humbles me. to think about how much we try to complicate life. make such a big deal about everything. how much easier life could be if we just lived.

when he thinks he has lost jenny forever, thinks maybe he did something to cause it, forrest runs.  for years. runs away from life.

for those of us who deal with ED on a daily basis, this is such a perfect analogy for our lives...we run. from life. from stress. from problems. from anything and everything...sometimes, we just run for the sake of running. because it has become a way of life. but it really isn't life. it isn't living.

eventually, the running ends. "i'm pretty tired...i think i'll go home now.

embracing recovery, for me, it exactly like that. no more running away.

forrest runs again though, when he sees how close he is to jenny at the end.

and to hear jenny say "this is my old friend from alabama" both warms and heals my heart--to know that i am forever united to my 'old friend from alabama.'

and to hear "lieutenant dan, this is my jenny."and later, "he's the most beautiful thing i've ever seen" makes me sob like a baby...

it is time to stop running. i'm tired. i'm ready to go home. for good.

david, i will forever be your jenny.

return to paradise, or "wow, i really have started to 'reframe' my thinking'"

we've been home for five days. i'm still a bit sad not to be in paradise, but i had a HUGE realization on friday.

so, i was telling a coworker i had yet to see since my return that our trip was wonderful. absolute bliss. except for getting sick on the last plane ride home (miami and i don't mix, apparently). then, i suddenly remembered what had happened on the way to paradise.

(insert story about how we flew out of miami. got about 30 very turbulent minutes in the air when the flight attendants booked it down the aisle just as the captain announced that we had "engine problems" but we "shouldn't be alarmed" (key: panic! anxiety! where are my coping skills???). eventually, we turned around. deplaned. re-boarded. ended up in mexico later than expected.)

anyway. point being--the old me would have lead with this story. made a BIG deal out of it.

yes, at the time, i was pissed. i was so freaking excited about our trip that it really upset me.

however, now, looking back, i see how i look at it now as a very positive episode. i overcame a negative thought. actually nearly eliminated it from the experience--it is the last thing i think of when i describe the trip.

it was not my "lead off hitter," so to speak.

just a little bump on the way to paradise...for anyone with ED, you know how hard it is to see the good sometimes (well, most of the time on some days).

and wonderful it was! perfect weather. funny commentary to adult entertainment. lots of time spent as close together as possible. wonderful food. lots of laughter. i'll spare you the intimate details, but let's just say it was splendid. period.

i cried the entire way to the airport on tuesday. no joke. david was worried. i told him it was a sign that it was a wonderful trip. we had a much needed time together. i savored every single second of it. my husband freakin' rocks. no, really. he is simply amazing. there are no other words to describe how he makes me feel. i told him several times how "hot" i felt in my bikini. how pretty i felt at dinner.

and it's not my body. it's my spirit.

david is helping me embrace myself. curves. "larger" clothes.

(by the way, this means NEW clothes, which is NEVER a bad thing [thank god for 50% off days at the thrift store where i score absolutely awesome steals on hardly worn clothes that are even better than the old navy and target finds i've outgrown.] **insert MUCH LOVE to lisa nunn. you are AMAZING. i love you. no, REALLY love you, beautiful lady!**)

it's made me think a lot about seeing things differently. something that is ordinary; ugly; boring; or useless can be made into something else. very easily (although sometimes (read: wine bottle project) time consuming).

so, here are a few pictures of my pinterest inspired creations...

this

became this! plus dollar tree flowers!

lower right two of these $.50 finds at on a shoestring (my new LOVE)

the first one of these from on a shoe string

+ DYI fabric flower = cute cocktails rings!

and another removable ring!

dollar store document frame + scrapbook paper and + wine corks

= DIY dry erase board

and DIY initial artwork! 

as you can see, i'm in a good place. a great place. and super happy.

david: i love you.