craftiness. insanity. life.

Sunday, July 8, 2012

dear me...

i saw this blog post by Today's Parent on twitter friday morning. it got me thinking about my 12-year-old self. wow, the differences between how i remember feeling and what i remember upon deeper reflection. let me explain:

my 12-year-old perspective of myself at 12 years old

  • my thighs are so much bigger than everyone else in dance class.
  • i have to be a "base" in cheerleading because i'm too fat to be a "flyer."
  • if only i could buy my clothes at "xyz" store, maybe i'd be more popular.
  • the girls on my cheerleading squad don't like me because i don't go to their school.
  • mom says boys like me, but are intimidated by my being smart.
  • i hate being labeled "smart"
  • i have to make straight As. no exceptions.
  • i need to be perfect.

yikes. it still saddens me to reflect.

what i wish this 12-year-old girl only knew

  • you will fail in life. and you will survive.
  • you are not defined by your body shape or size.
  • popularity has nothing to do with material possessions or location. if it does, you don't want to associate with those people anyway.
  • your gpa will only get you so far. your future employers have no interest in it.
  • being "labeled smart" isn't a bad thing. it gives you respect in many cases.
  • perfection is unattainable.
(yeah, that last one is still a daily reminder, even at 31.)

  • oh, one more thing: in about two years you will meet the love of your life. definitely something to get excited about.

the good part of all this? it's the past. it is does not have to be the future. every day is a new opportunity to live, love and hope.

for many reasons, i'm glad my first child is a boy. i pray that wells will be spared the plagues of body image issues and mental illness.

accepting my changing body has been a challenge. some days more than others. i rely on information about health and this process to keep me focused. (and the fact that my husband can't take his eyes off me and always wants to touch me--while at times a nuisance--doesn't hurt.)

it helps to focus on the truth, what i know to be absolute:

"Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD; the fruit of the womb is a reward." Psalm 127:3


jackie c said...

Kimberly, these are the things I want you to know about your 31-self:
1. YOU are an inspiration to many women and me and don't even know it.
2. Your New Blessing growing inside of you will be the love of your life for the rest of your life.
3.You are beautiful inside and out and i don't want you to forget it.
4.I love the young Kim and the 31-Kim equally :)

Kimberly said...

thank you for the sweet encouragement, jackie! you were a special part of those awkward years and will ALWAYS have a special place in my heart--praying for you.

Vicci said...

Kimberly, I remember someone told me once the love a mother has for her children is something you can't even put into words.I love you so much and my heart breaks when I think how did I not know you were feeling so negative about yourself.I am so proud of you and not because you got A's but because you put forth the effort .Always believe in your self and know I will always be proud of you and love you no matter what!